On my way to my 12:30 class in North Classroom, I stumbled into a situation—a wet situation. On the grass lawn East of St. Cajetan’s Church, adjacent to Plaza, CU Denver managerial horticultural staff seem to be too lenient with their water supply. The problem: every day from 12:00-12:15PM the sprinklers on this X-shaped lawn soak surrounding sidewalk and soul.
It’s been three weeks since I first noticed this problem. Every Tuesday and Thursday (although I doubt these lawns are improperly watered Monday through Sunday), I arrive at my class with wet socks and muddy soles. Just go around the sprinklers, you might be thinking. No, that would be giving up—relenting to the sourness of the sprinkler that brings both life and wetness. I walk on the sidewalk yet, I still receive a misting at least. So avoid them, you say? I do not deviate from routine! How dare you suggest I venture beyond this comfortable little lawn that I have made a home!
But this problem hasn’t just affected me; I’ve seen these irrigators drench volleyball games and first dates (and first date volleyball games). Because the poorly provisioned sprinklers are directly in opposition with several benches and sport nets, I witness students and faculty struggle to run from their stream. What if I had a fragile art exhibit that I had to transport from the Tivoli to the Auraria Library? What if I am a fragile art exhibit? What then, CU Denver?
Anna Berry, a senior at CU Denver, remembers taking her Great Pyrennes on a day walk on campus to which the sprinklers “erupted below.” Despite her dog’s impending heat stroke, he refused to walk in the sprinklers because he “knew of the dangers that lurked”—an inconvenience to good boys is unacceptable.
My moaning and groaning could be excused if not for Denver Water’s adamant regulations: “lawn watering is NOT allowed between 10 a.m. and 6 p.m.,” reads the first bullet on their website. Luis, a Denver Water representative, confirmed that CU Denver goes against these regulations if they water between this sacred time period. Not only that but he strongly vetoes wasting water, even advising to fix sprinklers that spray on concrete or asphalt. Well, CU Denver, you have some explaining to do because the sidewalk is so wet, I could drink off of it. At least twice a week this grass is watered—no, over watered. I’m sopping wet and sick about it!
But it wasn’t until recently that I saw the truly insidious effects of this predicament. Upon the sprinklers conspicuously grazing the concrete before my latest angry arrival, I was greeted with a surprise: two geese nestled in a puddle, pooping and playing where I walk my nice white sneakers. I can excuse wet shoes but geese? Come on, it’s a campus, not a zoo! While the grass may be greener where you water, my rage is hot, red, and wet and will pervade any irrigation.
